Did you just smile?

 

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will" - Mahatma Gandhi

 

We sat and waited for quite some time in CancerCare today. When Mom's radiology doctor walked into the room, Mom, Bri and me all held our breath. We really had no idea what to expect when the doctors cancelled the video conference with us and asked to see Mom in person. This particular doctor has a very sad face (Mom calls it "dour"). He never looks like he is going to give us good news. In fact, he was the doctor who told us at the beginning, "Mrs. Seel, you are in a very difficult situation" - the words that have stuck with me during this whole process. Suffice it to say, I was pretty nervous. However, Mom and Bri both said they feel good when they see the doctors. Mom said it is affirming.

The doctor asked how Mom was doing. She outlined her concerns, namely her tiredness and the swelling around her eyes, but stated that otherwise she was doing well. He examined her. Mom pointed out to him that the lump on her neck is gone. He just nodded despite Mom's obvious excitement and megawatt smile when she said it. He finished his exam and sat down. Then the unbelievable happened. What we have been hoping and praying for happened. He said, "This is quite remarkable. You are responding very well to the treatment. Yes, quite remarkable." And ... drumroll please ... HE SMILED! That is the best smile I think I've ever seen in my life.

He wants to hold off on any radiation until Mom finishes up two more rounds of chemo. After her chemo, she'll get more tests (in about six weeks) and then he will decide what the best course of action is from there.

After the doctor left, Bri and I rushed into Mom's arms (and okay, there were a few tears shed ... by me). We know the battle is far from over, but Mom is having more success than the doctors were expecting. And, quite frankly, we'll take a victory where we can get one.

My little sister has surprised me throughout this process. I admire how she keeps me and Mom clear on what is happening and how she calms our nerves and keeps us hopeful. I remember a conversation Bri and I had when this all started and we were getting nothing but bad and worse news. Bri and I realized that we would rather it be that way. Let's get all the bad news at the beginning, so all the good news will come later on. We are getting good news. Finally!

Next, the medical oncologist came in to see Mom. This is the chemo doctor. He was also extremely pleased that Mom was doing so well. However, he is a bit concerned about the swelling in her eyes and with the fact that she has already needed two blood transfusions. He has decided to put her on a drug that is injected once a week that will help keep her blood levels up. The plan is that this will give her the strength and the levels she needs to have her last two rounds of chemo. So, Mom begins her next round of chemo next week, and with the success she has had this far, she can hardly wait to keep going.

Between the two doctors, we received quite a bit of information today. It boils down to this: the cancer is shrinking. Mom's brain still has some small spots, but the only other place they are seeing the cancer anymore is in her chest, where it all started, and that is getting smaller, too.

Mom has been feeling so very tired for so long, but now she is seeing that her fight is paying off. This thing isn't beaten yet, but Mom has it running.

I firmly believe that miracles happen, but until today, I hadn't witnessed one. When I saw the smile on that doctor's face, matched by the smile lighting up Mom's face, I knew I had been witness to something spectacular, something outside of us. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for keeping Mom in your prayers. I beg you not to stop because, friends, it is working!

Love to all.

 



 

Calling the little white army!

 

“There are women who make things better... simply by showing up. There are women who make things happen. There are women who make their way. There are women who make a difference. And women who make us smile. There are women of wit and wisdom who- through strength and courage- make it through. There are women who change the world everyday... Women like you.” - Ashley Rice

 
Mom went to the hospital for chemo today, but she was refused her cocktail! It turns out that Mom's white blood cell count was too low and the chemo would make the situation worse. She also discovered that her iron is very low again and she needs another blood transfusion. She went back to the hospital this afternoon to get the new blood, but there was some sort of issue with antibodies, meaning that new blood had to be ordered in for her. She will be getting two bags of blood tranfused tomorrow (Thursday), which means another 6 hours of hospital time. Thank goodness Nana is going to keep her company!

Mom said her trip back to the hospital this afternoon was far from wasted, though, as she arrived at the same time as a special delivery. The Cancer Society does its daffodil drive this week, and my wonderful coworkers all pitched in to buy 30 bunches of daffodils that were delivered to the Selkirk Hospital chemo ward on behalf of Mom. What a wonderful coincidence that she was there to see them delivered! Pictures were taken and will be posted as soon as they arrive in my inbox.

Another special delivery arrived for Mom - some pictures of one of her dearest friends, Piper Alexander. Piper was always there for Mom. Before she built her beautiful home, she would go down and stay at the family cabin on the weekend, often by herself. When she arrived, Piper would come racing to help her unload the car, and he would help her carry in wood ... literally. When Mom dropped a piece of wood, Piper was right behind her to pick it up and follow her in the house with it. Often, Piper would stay for sleepovers and was a warm, snoring bundle of joy to keep Mom company. When Mom wasn't at the cabin, Piper made it his mission to watch over the place, leaving giant footsteps in the snow and "spraying" the edges of the property. Who is this wonderful, magical Piper? A wondeful dog. A true and loyal friend. His Mom sent some pictures of Piper, as he is now too old to come for many visits, but she thought seeing the photos might remind Mom how much Piper loves her, so thank you Cindy! Thank you so much! And, Piper, you are an angel.

Still as handsome as ever! Mom's friends come in all shapes and sizes (and species)!

Oh, the self-restraint! Don't you just want to smooch that nose?

We will keep you posted with Mom's progress. She is more tired than usual at the moment, but is hoping the transfusion will help with that. She told me she plans to be dancing by the weekend! Wouldn't that be a great photo?

Much love to you all.

I'm watching you, Wazowski

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

Mom has started Cycle 4 of chemotherapy, and she, as always, is in good spirits. However, her energy is really low again and her eyes are quite swollen. The low energy is due to her low iron count, so we may be looking at another blood transfusion. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The chemo is killing cells, so it is doing what it is supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, it is killing a lot of healthy cells, too, which is what the blood transfusion will replace. I know I have been donating as much blood as they'll take from me! We figure between me and Bri and our friends, we're close to replacing what Mom is using. It's the least we can do. (For those of you who haven't donated blood before, perhaps I can convince you by telling you that you get to have sweets after and the calories don't count! Chocolate donut, here I come).

The swollen eyes is a reaction to the chemo, and Mom is now on new drops, which seem to be working in bringing the swelling down. With her amazing sense of humour, Mom says her swollen eyes make her look like Roz from Monsters, Inc. We beg to differ! (Although Mom does an amazing impression).

 

A steady stream of visitors has kept Mom company the last little while. Lisa and Judy brought the two little miracle munchkins out to see Mom. She was beside herself when she got to hold the two little boys. She fell in love instantly. They look like they didn't mind her so much, either.

 

We won't even to try to guess who is who! But there is one proud Great Auntie Laurie in the middle

Mom's dear friend Jane came out for a visit and was dragged into the St. Patrick's Day spirit.

 

 

Sean made a delicious meal for Jane's visit. He has now figured out the trick to the salty taste Mom has been experiencing, and he has made it a personal challenge to make her a wide variety of meals that allow her to enjoy her food and not feel like she's licking a block of salt.

 

At the end of Jane's visit Auntie Dee came to stay, and her and Mom have been keeping busy. First order of business was to honour the Malone Irish roots and celebrate St. Patrick's Day (thanks for the hats, Niki). They even got me involved!

 

It seems that the Prairies decided to welcome Auntie Dee home (as she now lives in Toronto) by dumping an obscene amount of snow on us! But Auntie Dee has not forgotten her Prairie-girl roots, and she trudged her way through the snow to check the septic tank.





Hmmm ... how's it look down there?

Eek! We better call Big Mike!















Mom has also been getting some exercise, as her and Nana have been walking down to feed Bri-Anne's cats - Cole and Noodle - for the past week. Even walking a few doors down is a challenge, but Mom is not letting it get the best of her. While the first couple of days were a struggle, she kept going, and now she is finding it easier to walk there and back (except after the huge dump of snow!).

 

The breathlessness is still present, and it is something that slows Mom down, but it doesn't slow her down much! She is spending lots of time with friends and family, helping me plan my wedding (she has such fantastic ideas!), kicking multiple butts at Words With Friends, babysitting her grandcats, and focusing on getting well.

 

The comments left on the blog and the emails you all send to Mom are such a source of strength for her. Thank you so much for reaching out and letting her know how much she means to all of you. So often, we don't take the time to tell someone how important they are or how they have impacted our lives. But many of you are taking the time to do that for Mom, and it means the world to her. It really makes a difference. When she has a down day, she can go back and read the many warm thoughts that are sent her way.

 

Some tests are coming up that should give us an idea of where the situation lies now, and we are all hoping for some good news. Please keep Mom in your thoughts and prayers, as you are in hers.











This is all a little transfusing

 

“Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength.” - Napolean Bonaparte

It has been a week of ups and downs. Mom is still achingly, overwhelmingly tired. Some days it is very hard for her to even get out of bed. The doctors determined when she went in for chemo on Wednesday that her iron levels were too low. They decided against an injection because they needed the iron levels to replenish quickly - the shot wouldn't cut it. They booked Mom in for a blood transfusion this morning (Thursday). To be clear - this is not anemia. Mom's iron is low because the chemo is killing good and bad cells. Two bags of blood were transfused over five hours. Mom says she plans on being quite "frisky" (her word, not mine) by Saturday.

Between chemo and the blood transfusion, Mom has spent the last couple days cooped up in the hospital (with her little trooper Bri for company), so she is quite looking forward to wearing pajama pants and curling up in front of her fireplace all day tomorrow. The swelling in her eyes has gone down quite a bit and she can now read, although the gel mask she has been wearing on her eyes makes her look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! (I was not permitted to take any pictures).

The swelling was concerning the doctors, so Mom went in for a CT scan. These days, we seem to prepare for the worst when it comes to getting test results, so we were not prepared for what we were told when the CT scan came back. Are you ready for this?! Not only are there no problems with Mom's eyes (the swelling is due to the drugs, and like I said, it has already started to subside with no intervention), but the spots that were on her brain have "markedly improved" and no new lesions have formed. Basically, the treatment is making a difference. The cancer in Mom's brain is getting smaller. It's a small victory, but it feels enormous! I am so proud of my Mom. She said she was going to beat this thing, and she is giving it everything she has.

It has been a little trying for Mom in that with the weather starting to warm up a bit, she is still cooped up in the house because she is just too tired to do much of anything. However, a couple good things have happened. 1) Duck Dynasty season premiered (I don't know that I have ever heard her giggle like that! Uncle Cy is a saint in my book for making my Mom so happy). 2) Mom's girlfriends have been sending cards, flowers and coming to visit. The wonderful Cec came from Texas to stay for a few days, and she kept Mom busy (with a much-enjoyed trip to Gimli, for example) while at the same time making sure she had everything she needed. Colleen, Sally, Dar and Niki make Mom's day when they come out for brunches, lunches and martinis. 3) Jason and Danielle visited Mom and made her a gourmet meal of (are you ready for this?) mini beef wellingtons, tomato watermelon salad with feta, herb and garlic rice, roasted butternut squash, vanilla butter poached asparagus with pan fried pickerel with a grapefruit berre blaunc, chocolate mousse with strawberries and balsamic vinegar. Woo! Mom hasn't been eating a lot because the chemo drugs make everything taste salty. Jason and Danielle did their research and prepared foods that counteracted the salty taste. Mom really enjoyed it and ate more than she has in a long time. Mom is very lucky to have two amazing chefs in the family. Scott and Jason are helping us find foods that Mom can enjoy eating.

Another thing that has been keeping Mom somewhat occupied is helping me prepare for my wedding! That's right, folks. You can all close your mouths now. Sean and I got engaged last month. Mom knew about the whole thing and didn't breathe a word. Sean asked her for her blessing, and now we are planning an intimate fall wedding at her place on the lake.

So, with everything that has been going on with Mom's journey to wellness, it has been a little confusing (or "transfusing," if you will). One minute we're getting good news about CT scans, the next we're hearing that the injection won't work and a transfusion is necessary, but what we have to remind ourselves is that this is working like it is supposed to. Mom is fighting everyday to get well. And that would make anyone tired.

 

Good news and birthday candles

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’” - Mary Anne Radmacher

It has been a busy few weeks for Mom. Chemo treatments have fallen into a steady routine. As routine as chemo can be, anyway. Mom loves the nurses in the Selkirk chemo ward - they are friendly, helpful and compassionate. Besides chemo, Mom has had visits from friends and her Aunt Bea was in from Vancouver visiting for a few days. Many games of Scrabble were had!

Mom also had a surgery in early February. She got a port put in her chest to speed up the process of getting blood drawn and chemo drugs put in. When she was explaining it to a couple friends, she laughed and said, "Now they can just plug me in." She recovered well from the surgery and now chemo days go much faster.

The chemo doctors requested a meeting with Mom to touch base about her treatment, so she went to the Selkirk Hospital where she was able to link up for a video conference with her doctors in Winnipeg. It really is a great way to keep everyone connected without Mom having to travel far to do so. Her chemo doctor was very interested in how she was finding her reactions to the chemo drugs after two full cycles. Other than being extremely tired and food tasting terrible, she has been experiencing very little side effects. The doctor said, "The chemo seems to be working and you seem to be doing very well." The three of us went silent and then all broke out in smiles.

Cancer doctors are very good at what they do, but they are also very hesitant about offering too much hope. Any news is always couched in terms of "but we have to see" or "while that looks good, we'll need to check so-and-so to be sure" or "it could mean nothing." There was no qualifier here. He simply said, it "seems to be working." Now, we know that is far from meaning she is in the clear, but it is the first real good news we have received, and we grabbed on to it and enjoyed it! Mom is responding to the chemo, and that is good news. Her lump on her neck has pretty much disappeared and her breathlessness is improving.

While the chemo has been kicking ass and taking names, it has also wreaked havoc on Mom's body. Her iron levels are extremely low, to the point that the doctor is a bit concerned. This means she will most likely have to get an injection and, if that doesn't work, a blood transfusion. We asked if there was anything we could do to help bring up her iron levels (Sean bbq's a mean steak), but the doctor explained it like this: "You can have all the raw materials in the world, but it doesn't matter if the factory is closed." So, Mom is not producing the iron like she should; her body needs a little help. I'm hoping it doesn't get to the point of needing a blood transfusion, but I have myself booked in for an appointment to give blood, just in case! We can all do our part - Canadian Blood Services always needs more donations.

The third cycle of chemo starts in a few days, and Mom's blood is always checked before the chemo is administered, so we should know then what her iron levels look like. In the meantime, she is resting and trying not to get too frustrated with sitting still. She has been fairly entertained in the last little while. Bri-Anne's birthday is coming up quickly, and as is Bri-Anne's tradition, her birthday celebration is a week-long event known as Briannapalooza. It started this weekend with a get-together at Mom's house, with Bri's favourite dinner (spaghetti), presents and cake. It was a blast. Mom was laughing so hard she was crying. Here are a couple of pictures:

Smooch!

Who's the photo bomber in the back?!

Can't have Briannapalooza without a Bri-Anne!

It was great to have a recharge before Mom starts the next cycle of chemo. Cancer is powerful. It can do a lot of things, but since Mom is so positive about everything and refuses to let cancer control her life, I thought it would be appropriate to share a list we came across of things cancer CANNOT do.

• it cannot cripple love
• it cannot shatter hope
• it cannot corrode faith
• it cannot destroy peace
• it cannot kill friendships
• it cannot suppress memories
• it cannot silence courage
• it cannot invade the soul
• it cannot steal eternal life
• it cannot conquer the spirit

As a parting thought, giving blood can save a life and help sustain those in need of healthy blood to continue to fight diseases such as cancer. If you are interested in donating blood, you can call 1-888-2-DONATE or visit www.blood.ca.