"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength" - Corrie Ten Boom
This isn't going to be easy. I am a writer by trade (and by inclination), but this is going to put all my skills to the test. I don't have a plan for what this blog will look like or what, ultimately, it will say. I know that, whatever my intentions, the emotion is going to creep in here because this blog is about my mom; it's not about cancer.
Future posts will talk more about my mom as a person - her loves, her history, her story. However, I know many of you right now want the facts. You want to know what is happening and how she is doing.
It started with a throat infection, then a cough that just wouldn't go away. Then the diagnosis: Stage 4 lung cancer. The cancer has spread from the lung to lymph nodes in the chest to a lymph node in the neck to some spots on the brain. The good news (and we always grasp onto the good news) is the bone scan is completely clear of any cancer as are the ears, nose and throat. A clean bill of health there!
The doctors have been moving fairly quickly to get treatment started (although Mom was chomping at the bit to get started a while ago). On Wednesday, December 5, 2012, she started radiation treatment at Cancer Care Manitoba. To make sure they don't miss any spots, the doctors have decided to use radiation on the whole brain rather than use a gamma knife to pinpoint the spots. Mom will go every day for the next two weeks to have this treatment. Then, she will meet with the medical oncologist (chemo doctor) to get started on chemotherapy to address the cancer in the other parts of her body.
While all of this is terrifying, there are some positives here. First is that Mom is feeling okay. She is not in any pain. She is not feeling sick. She does get fatigued really fast. She gets breathless, but she is not nauseous or feeling any other symptoms of illness. Although, she is prepared for that to change.
Another positive is the people at Cancer Care Manitoba. The kindness and compassion we have been shown so far is really remarkable. Mom has faith in these people, which is no small feat. It is asking a lot for someone to put their life in your hands, and Mom has done just that with these doctors and nurses.
Another positive - probably the most positive - is Mom's spirit. She is not maudlin or morose. She is not depressed or even angry. Her sole focus is taking care of herself, doing everything the doctors tell her to do and finding wellness again.
When Mom lost her husband and best friend (and my dad), she said something that really resonated with me and taught me a lot about life. She said, "There is a new normal now, and we will have to learn how to live with that." We are now facing another new normal, but Mom is right - as usual - in that cancer is part of our lives now, so we have to adapt. Mom is adapting well. She is tackling everything with strength, dignity and even a little bit of humour. When she discovered hair loss was a side effect of her treatment, she stoically, with a dead-pan voice, said, "You guys better get me a Santa hat!" (which she has already joyfully received from a special angel). As worried as I am, I don't know that I have ever been more proud of my mother.
There are some possible side effects that Mom is facing. She is going to lose her hair due to the radiation treatments. She is going to feel more and more fatigued. There is also a chance of some memory loss or "fogginess." None of these are something she is okay with, but she is facing it with aplomb: In the waiting room before her first radiation treatment, she quickly demolished the Winnipeg Free Press puzzle page, showing me her score and telling me to check it again when she was done her treatment. I don't know if she realizes that not everyone can polish off the puzzle page (a crossword, a soduku, a word scramble, a word puzzle, etc.) in under 20 minutes.
As I said, Mom is very tired, but she is very grateful for the phone messages she has received. She is going to check this blog regularly, so I encourage you to post comments or send emails as often as you like. Also, please feel free to get in touch with myself or Bri-Anne if you'd like more information or just a chat.
We plan on posting a lot of pictures up here because a picture is worth a thousand words, and Mom loves photos. If you have any great photos - inspirational photos, photos of Mom, photos of her family and friends - please send along and I will gladly post them. I hope to get a photo gallery up and running very soon.
Thank you all for being there to help Mom with this fight. She needs each and every one of you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.
